Life changes | One thing no one warns you about

Life is all about change but there is one side of the process no one talks about.

December 10, 2021, a chapter in my life came to an close.

We have officially sold the wedding venue. Five years, countless hours, so many highs and lows are in the past. I can no longer say, “I own a small business”; a statement I took great pride in.

When I drove the closing, I felt like I was going to a funeral. My husband couldn’t understand it, all he felt was relief and excitement to finally have the “barn days” behind us. 

Keep in mind, he still owns his business, goes to work every day and has many opportunities for challenge, growth and new ventures. He’s never had to close a business so he couldn’t understand but he sympathized.

I am starting all over again and when people ask me what I “do”, I have a hard time answering that question. Turns out redefining yourself is a process.

Back in 2019, when I made the decision to close the barn, I had no idea that I would spend the next year experiencing so much sadness and guilt or how many tears I would shed.

No one warns you that with change comes grief. 

Credit: @Steven on Instagram

While the last year of the barn was more stress than joy (in large part due to a pandemic!), the experience was life changing. Pepper Sprout Barn was something I created from nothing, built to be successful, created a solid reputation behind and that taught me more than I could have ever imagined. 

I took so much pride in our team, our successes, our journey and accomplishments. The barn helped me prove to myself that I was capable, smart, independent and a leader. It was something I could call my own, the place where I was responsible for supporting & helping others. 

It was the role in my life where people turned to me for assistance, advice and guidance. They trusted me and when we tackled hard things or experienced a beautiful wedding day, we knew together we had done something good. 

Through the barn I watched over one hundred couples start their lives together and discovered my passion for small business. Until I was a small business owner myself, I truly had NO idea how much goes into owning one. I uncovered many new strengths and weaknesses and I learned to ask for help.

Asking for help and those that assisted me are the reason I survived. No one can do it alone. 

And now it belongs to someone else.

But what I now see is just because the barn is under new ownership, doesn’t mean those qualities are gone too. They are who I am and now I have a chance to move on and apply my honed skills to a new challenge, a new dream. 

I saw this sign in San Diego and had to grab a picture. It truly felt like it was a message meant for me, we were days away from closing on the venue.

Thanks to many conversations, supportive friends and family and a good therapist, I am accepting this time of closure and ready to move on. 

This process has taught me what I want for myself, for my family and out of life. Through this experience and the mistakes I’ve made I have developed new boundaries, dreamed up new ideas and have truly come to appreciate seasons of rest. 

I share this to say that if you are going through a time of change, please know it’s normal for it to feel like a roller coaster ride and it is truly a season of grief and all its challenging stages. 

Take time for yourself, be patient and rest. Each day will get a little easier, new ideas and goals will develop and hope will shine again. 

After the decision to close the barn, I struggled for a long time with feelings of guilt and failure (and trust me, they still like to bubble up from time to time) but I’ve come to realize that making that very difficult decision was in fact brave. It was one of the first times in my life I stood up for myself and say, I need something different. It was not serving me well and because of that I can’t care for myself and those I love in they ways I want to. 

Credit: @the_mom_project on Instagram

We only get this one life and as we all know it goes way too fast. Live your life in a way that brings you joy, peace and happiness. 

It doesn’t matter what others think, they are not you. If they judge you or make assumptions, move on from them, you don’t need them in your lives. 

Surround yourself with those that support you and your determination to live your best life. 

Trust your gut and do what is right for you. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it and one day you’ll look back and without a doubt know that you made the right decision. 

If you are going through a period of change and feel like you have no one who understands, never hesitate to reach out. This can be a lonely time and I would be happy to lend an ear and support you any way I can. 

Better days are ahead, I promise! 

Celebrate life, Explore your potential!

If you need a reminder down the road or know someone else who could use a little reminder they are not alone, here is a pin to save this to Pinterest.